Although, I know nothing about you, in fact, you know deeply in your heart that there are many forthcomings for you to chase for. I suffered from the same shit as you are suffering. I know clearly that only when you get over this shit can you find your real happiness. Maybe I am not so spoony as you are; maybe my experience means nothing to you; maybe you still regard it as happiness... Anyway, I hope you can gain the other way of being happy in your life...